Interfaith Marriage and all that jazz…
February 6, 2007
Have you ever told your parents about someone that was tugging at your heart? How many people have had a conversation that goes like this;
You: Mom, I met this person and I think they might be the one.
Mom: That’s great honey! I want you to be happy. Now what church do they go to?
I was always wondered why this was always the first question my mother asked and I get it now, but the implications are deeper than I originally thought.
I think the chief reason why my Mom and other parents ask this question is for two reasons:
1) To gauge the person’s character since church attendance is often used as a character check
2) To see if the person practices the same faith as their child
And I think that parents should be respected for having their child’s best interests at heart. But I wonder how smooth the conversation would go if you responded to your parent’s (let’s assume they are Christian) question of where your love interest went to church by saying, “Well, actually, they go to a mosque.” How do you think your parents would respond? I know it is easy to think of your parents as the most respectful and open-minded people in the world but let’s keep it really real, shall we?
I think many parents would be taken aback and follow up by asking, “So are they Muslim?” And then I could imagine a series of questions dancing around the feasibility of two people dating that share different faiths.
Now is this wrong? I wouldn’t say so but I think something can be said for what I call “spiritual superiority.” What I mean by this phrase is the notion that spiritually centered parents often have a strong preference for three things: 1) seeing their children practice the same faith they raised them with, throughout adulthood, 2) watching their children grow up to marry someone who practices the same faith as them, and 3) witness their grandchildren be raised with the same faith as them.
Now on face value, I would say nothing is wrong with this paradigm and maybe in another post, we can talk about people who ended up practicing a new faith different from their parents. But for our purposes, we are going to look at interfaith relationships/marriage.
And rather than go into two pages worth of a post, I would rather provide the context and see where you want to take this post in the comments section. So the following are some of the questions that I would like you to chew on.
1) Would you ever date someone from a different faith? Why or why not?
2) Do you have different faith restrictions for someone you would date casually or someone you would seriously consider marrying? Why or why not?
3) Does your faith have specific restrictions on what faith your future husband/wife must practice? (And if you do know, it would be helpful if you can bolster your answer with textual support as opposed to what you were always told.)
4) Is it important that your future kids practice the same faith as you? Would you be open to them practicing a different faith from yours?
5) How would your parents react to your being in a serious relationship with someone of a different faith? And how much would their reaction influence your decision to continue your relationship?
6) Is it important that your kids be raised in household where both parents practice the same faith? If not, what is the upside of having interfaith households on a child’s spiritual development?
This should prove to be a very lively discussion,
Categories:
Relationships
Spirituality
The Weekly Dream: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff
February 3, 2007
“God grant me serenity, to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”
-Serenity Prayer
I do not know about you, but lately, life has been coming at me pretty fast. There is always another project, another assignment, another meeting networking, etc. etc. to do. With all that ripping and running, I could tell that I was losing my mind. On top of that, I was supremely irritated. And I start acting really petty, because everything was getting on my nerves.
However, I remembered that all this stuff is really not that deep. At the end of the day, does it matter that my brother ate all the eggs? No. I believe it was God’s way of telling me to put all of my pet peeves and idiosyncracies on the back burner.How often do we lose sight of the big picture? It is human to have some bad days and to be generally annoyed with life. But if you find yourself losing it over the same thing over and over again, think, is it really worth it? For example, there is a certain individual, who shall remain nameless, that has crazy road rage. Every time I am in the car with this person, they cursing people out, honking their horn and having a fit. And my response is always the same, “Can they hear you?” Bad drivers are a constant, but if you plan for it, then it will not annoy you. Once this person began being proactive about the situation instead of being reactionary, her blood pressure improved dramatically ;).
The Point Is…Conserve, Conserve, Conserve
How much energy do we spend on stuff that do not matter? We get all worked up about things we cannot change or are insignificant. We take minor slights to heart, all the while expending our precious energy, only to feel frustrated and emotionally drained.
What is really important in this life is the relationships and connections we make. A lot of our frustrations stem from the fact that we do not have a meaningful connection either to others, our task or to some greater. We feel misunderstood. And it is common to feel “disconnected.” How do we make that connection? We can start by taking a little time to regroup and giving what we hope to get. We need to go outside ourselves, instead of waiting on someone to make us feel better. We are the architects of our happiness and good fortune. We can choose our moods the same way we pick out our clothes. Every moment we have the choice as to how to react and how we let something will make us feel.
The key to being effective is to use your emotions to drive righteous action. There are all types of forces to disturb your inner peace. However, take a moment and ask, does it really matter?
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
Truth and Peace,
Steven M DeVougas
Categories:
The Weekly Dream
Sex: Rules of Engagement for 2007
February 3, 2007
As I approach a quarter century of living, many of my peers have reached a point in their lives where they realize that sex is good, but overrated in many ways. As such, many of my peers are not virgins but are in a stage where they are saving sex either for marriage or a serious relationship. I applaud and support these efforts but in the event that you are overcome by your flesh, here is a little list I put together to help you out. (And yes my family does read The SuperSpade.)
1) Wear condoms. Unfortunately, in 2007, too many of us think that if someone looks healthy, they can’t possibly have an STD. Be safe. And for the brothers out there ending their sessions with broken condoms, that’s not cool. You are not Hulk Hogan. Stop putting yourself and your partner at risk and upgrade.
2) Stop wearing socks. (In other words, brothers make sure your feet are not crusty and ladies, make sure the toes are tamed and your feet are not crusty.)
3) Getting tested for HIV with your partner is probably one of the most intimate things you can do even if you are not planning to have sex in the near future.
4) Sexual assault is real. No one is immune to it but there are things you can do to help prevent it.
5) If the thought of having a baby with your partner strikes terror in your heart, then you probably shouldn’t be having sex with that individual.
6) I was raised to believe that men are connected to women by how much they are willing to sacrifice (time, energy, resources, etc.) and women are connected to men via having sex. This principle has proven true for me, so just keep it in the back of your mind.
7) Sex doesn’t have to be “dessert” per se. Therefore, here are some things you can do to avoid having sex:
Go out earlier in the day
Talk about your relationship with God
Don’t end up in the bedroom
Talk (Intense thought provoking discussion that can be inspired by reading The SuperSpade
Play board games
Go through photo albums
Listen to music
Go out in groups
Give yourself a curfew and have a friend call you at the appropriate time
Make your expectations known
Hopefully this helps,
Categories:
sex
relationships
Big ups to the Boogie Down Bronx!!!
February 1, 2007
I may have that saying wrong but I wanted to highlight the work of Marjora Carter and the good people at Sustainable South Bronx. The mission of SSB is to advance Environmental Justice through innovative, economically sustainable projects that are informed by the needs of the community.
I can’t really give justice to summarizing what they do but one of the projects they are working on includes South Bronx Greenway, a “community led plan for a bicycle/pedestrian greenway along the South Bronx waterfront.” The purpose of this is to increase open space and access to the water front. Another innovative project is Green Roofs, which as it sounds is “a layer of soil and foliage on top of a building.” Some of the benefits is temperature reduction, energy conversation, storm water management, and decreased costs due to less maintenance.
This sister has a Masters in Fine Arts. Now you may be thinking, “How does one make the transition from fine arts to environmental justice?” By following your passions and not allowing people to dictate your destiny. I saw this sister doing a special on PBS and she is truly inspiring, a true SuperSpade, and a young pioneer for environmental justice.
Categories:
Environmental Justice
The fruition of a nightmare
February 1, 2007
In testimony before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee today, Zbigniew Brzezinski, former national security advisor under President Carter, said this, (emphasis mine)
If the United States continues to be bogged down in a protracted bloody involvement in Iraq, the final destination on this downhill track is likely to be a head-on conflict with Iran and with much of the world of Islam at large. A plausible scenario for a military collision with Iran involves Iraqi failure to meet the benchmarks; followed by accusations of Iranian responsibility for the failure; then by some provocation in Iraq or a terrorist act in the U.S. blamed on Iran; culminating in a “defensive” U.S. military action against Iran that plunges a lonely America into a spreading and deepening quagmire eventually ranging across Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, and Pakistan.
Don’t be silent, speak out against this misguided policy. Too many Americans are now afraid of what the government in power may do, but time is now for the government to be afraid of the people.
Categories:
Iran
International Affairs
“So called” war on terror
