Black men and our sexuality
December 14, 2005
I read a fiercely stereotypical article by a White woman who explained why she prefers to be with Black men. After over sexualizing us like mandingo warriors, I was appalled by how comfortable this woman felt in her sexual encounters with Black men. But then I remembered a situation where a White man asked me what shoe size I wore. I said 13 and he replied, “Oh my God, that is crazy,” replete with sexual overtones. Now his feet were as big as mine, and he wore a size 12 and when I pointed out that our feet are almost the same size, he just couldn’t let up. “No man, your feet are humongous!! I have tried to find ways to not get offended but this situation was difficult because surely he didn’t mean to insult me, but when my sexuality becomes the basis on which you interact with me, I have a major problem with that.
Because what happens to many Black men is that many of us buy into the notions of Black male super sexuality to the point we become afraid of how our desires will overtake our sense of normalcy. So many times one of two things happen; we will suppress our sexuality or express it in overly chauvinistic ways. No matter the case, this will not lead to healthy relationships or marriages and will ultimately hinder other aspects of our lives. So my advice to Black men is simple, watch what you put into your soul and mind. You can’t watch Uncut everyday it comes on and claim that the videos don’t have an affect on how you interact with women. It doesn’t work like that. And secondly, do not give in to the stereotypes we are superior in bed compared to other races. Not only might this affect your performance but more importantly, your sexuality will soon become a central part of your identity and confidence.
White men love sex just as much as Black men. There are men of all races who would put you to shame and there are men of all races who you would put to shame. And lastly, learn to control your thoughts (in all matters) of sexual matters. If whenever you talk to a woman and all you can focus on during a conversation is the curvatures of her body, then you have a problem. Seek help. I used to have a problem with pornography but after talking to God and some of my friends, I realized it had a hold of me that I didn’t want to admit. But once I did admit it, I decided that I didn’t want anything having such a hold on my life and since then, I have made decisions that severely limit my access to pornography. And since then, I appreciate women and their beauty for so many things that have nothing to do with my physical attraction.
I just realized I meant to write about Black/White relationships but I went off on a tangent. Real talk is like that sometimes. Until next time,
Stay up fam,
Brandon
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Brandon I definitely feel you on this one. However, I must add that there are many black women who believe that misperception as well. They associate big hands & big feet with being well endowed. I personally know a few women that have no problem with asking a man the exact same question that you were asked,that is, if she hasn’t already sized it up for herself. With that question being posed, men are able to assess to sum degree, the character of that woman. Reality is, no matter what the size, if one doesn’t know what to do with it, what difference does it really make.
We have been sterotyped as oversexed and animalistic. We can’t be erotic or sexual like everyone else. We have to be seen as unhuman. ITS THE MAN I TELL YOU - TRYIN TO KEEP US DOWN.
But really - its unfortunate that we can’t be regular sexual beings like everyone else - even to ourselves.