The Black State of Beating Children
February 16, 2006
In the spirit of Steve’s post on tough love, I wanted to know what you think about beating your current or future children.
Yesterday, my sister sent me an email praising older Black mothers who were very strict and used a no-nonsense approach to raising their children. The email ended by thanking our Black mothers for setting us on the straight path while simultaneously challenging current younger Black mothers to learn from their elders as it relates to child rearing. And that got me thinking about the Black State of the butt whoopin’.
And just so we are clear, by butt whoopin’, I mean using a belt that will primarily be used on the buttocks but sometimes you might catch some thigh. Moreover, I am not talking about open handed slaps or beating kids upside their head. There is a difference between child abuse and corporal punishment.
Now I don’t have any statistics on how many Black parents beat their children and I think it would be difficult to find reliable statistics because you would probably end up with over or under reporting. And are you asking the parents or the child? Won’t the child be afraid of “telling” on his parents and won’t parents try to make it look like they are the best parents in the world?
In any event, I think Black people need to get back to beating. And I won’t say that beating is any less popular now, I just believe that as an aggregate, we forgot the purpose for beating their children. “Spare the rod, save the child,” is what I heard growing up and I think it is true as it ever was. But now I sense that Black parents are beating their kids trying to work out the anger or frustration in their own lives. Moreover, there are no rules, and if they are, they are enforced to varying degrees depending on how Mommy or Daddy “feels” that day. And kids are so conniving because they pick up on contradictions real fast and will play you like a fiddle. And parents need to realize that the innocent phase of childhood is getting shorter and shorter so it might be better to get out of the mindset that you won’t use corporal punishment until a certain time and nip things in the bud before it gets out of control.
All kids?
Now do all kids need to be beat? Of course not, because every child is different and therefore requires different needs. But I hate when the people who don’t believe in corporal punishment try to paint me as an aggressive person who will take pleasure in beating my children. Beating your kids is not fun and I will probably be crying myself if I have to do it. So I don’t have a pre-determined goal to beat my children, but if I see they understand the rules of my household and persist to disobey, please believe the belt will be in full effect.
What about fathers and daughters?
I had a conversation about a year ago that involved the issues surrounding father beating their daughters and the ramifications that may cause for the daughter. I started out the conversation stating that I would beat my son and my daughter. And I went on to say that don’t want my beautiful daughter to think that because she is cute, she can’t be disciplined. But the woman I was talking to pointed out that she would prefer that fathers beat their sons and mothers beat their daughters. And her logic was that fathers who beat their daughters may cause them to think it is ok for a man to put their hands on them. I was on the fence at first but I think she made a valid point so that is something I want to hear your feedback on. Should fathers beat their daughters? And what about single fathers raising girls?
I could go on and on about this because parenting is one of the most sacred acts of the human experience. And sometimes parenting requires punishment for hard-headed kids. Unfortunately, I have seen Black parents use corporal punishment for the better and for the worse. And for that reason, we need to get in each other’s business like we used to do back in the day. I was raised by almost everyone on my block and my mother was raising four kids by herself but the checks and balances of the “block” made her life easier because if she couldn’t come home at a decent time, I would eat dinner across the street. I say all that to say that the way you raise your kids is my business and vice versa. Not everyone will do the same thing and I understand that but it takes a lot more than a village with all of the madness of this world. Love your kids and as it says in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Stay up fam,
Brandon
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10 Responses to “The Black State of Beating Children”
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Brandon,
I totally agree with you. I think the spirit in which you discipline is just as important. Explain and correct the child. My fam always told me that it was better that they chastised me than someone in the streets or the police. Children need that gentle restraint, but talk to them. Therefore it was an educational experience. Also, they never disciplined us when they were angry. I think we need to get back to the days of having “home training”, so that society will not have to paly the role of parents for us.
I am also a fan of beating, spanking, whatever you want to call it. As long as it serves a purpose and there is an explanation of the purpose than I am all for it. In an ideal world beating a child is intended to spark an epiphany. You want the kid to be shocked into thinking “hey, maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore”
i believe in spanking but with a purpose. i believe the word beating is very harsh it sounds as if you are going to commit child abuse but your overall statement was very inspirational
Just Playing The Devil’s Advocate
I concur; it is all in the delivery. However, I think that it is important to remember where the practice of beating stems from, especially with in the black community. Now, it may be difficult for some of you to mesh with, but bear with me. Flogging, beating, and whipping are practices that hark back to slavery. As you know blacks were charged with beating other blacks to keep them in line. This tradition has persisted into modern time, and is so ingrained in our culture that we support it with little or no question. To me this is unacceptable. When my aunt, nana, or mother popped me with the extensions cord or did the superwoman shoe toss ten feet across a room (you know bout that one) it was not in love it was in anger. All I’m saying is that in this new day there should be a new way.
What’s up T.B.
At first I put up a general response to your post until it was brought to my attention that you cited slavery as the source for Black parents beating their children. I should point out that people of ALL RACES have been whipping their children way way before slavery. So to say that whipping harks back to slavery is simply not true.
Moreover, comparing the whipping of slaves and Black parents disciplining their children are two different situations that cannot be compared directly. When Black slaves were flogged, it was not done from a position of love. We were viewed as property!!! That is significantly different from Black parents beating their children and like Steve pointed out, many Black parents beat their kids because they don’t want them to get beat by the cops or the streets.
And I understand that you were beat with extension cords and that is unfortunate. But were they trying to kill you? Do you think you turned out better for it? My point is that your experience is similar to many Black folks coming of age today. But do know that it could be alot worse. You could have been snatched up from your mother and sold away like a piece of meat. And if that description is too much, your family could have never disciplined you at all and just let you raise yourself. There is no new way T.B. Like I said in my post, beating kids is not something that many parents take pleasure in. And most parents, if given the choice, would prefer to have children that always followed the rules and didn’t require beatings.
So before you cite slavery as the source of Black people beating their children, read the Bible. (Proverbs 23:13-14, 13:24, 22:15, 20:30)
(Courtesy of Rupa. Posted on Sepia Munity.)
February, 1989. Some Midwestern highway. Vehicle carrying boisterous kids and 2 weary parents.
Dad loses patience and makes good on his threat to pull over and administer corporal punishment.
15 minutes later. Back on the road. Sulky silence. Then the oldest child defiantly chortles, “I was wearing my snow pants!! I didn’t feel anything!! HA!”
Ha Ha Ha!!! You know those parents were TICKED off.
I agree people should apply the rod to their childrens’ backsides but they need to be clear and consistent about it. If you’re clear and consistent, most kids will fall into line before they hit school age.
Good response Brandon.
I just think that yes, while many parents don’t take pleasure in beating their children that sometimes it is necessary. I will say that as a parent I have tried the “time out”, the write 50 to 100 times that the same behavior will not be repeated. I’ve tried the “new age parenting” techniques. Not to mention the sit the child down and explain to them what they did wrong and why they shouldn’t do it again. WHATEVER! None of that crap worked on my child what works for me is the pop/spanking here or removal of the hottest item they have there. That’s about it. So, T.B. I don’t know if you have children or not, and I’m guessing that by your response you don’t but do me this favor please revisit this site once you do and re-read your ridiculous response. Some people really try to be parents with so much so called wisdom, before they are actually parents . That’s what blows me.
I used to get beat every time I did something wrong. Even though I was a bad kid, I knew everytime I’d do something, I’d get whipped. My parents would whip me in front of my brothers to embarrass me, not to mention the pain. Now that I look back, they did it for the better. They would vary the punishment depending on what I did. If I did something small, I’d only get a few lashes. If I did something big (like when I stole something from the school bookstore), they’d tie me to a tree wearing nothing on the backside and give me 50 or more lashes. That was the last time I did that.
FYI:
In Winter Springs, Florida, Kevin Randy Legendre, 31, was arrested for beating his seven-year-old son for getting bad grades. He’s been charged with cruelty toward a child.
The “disciplinary action” left large, swollen welts all over the child’s body.
Legendre has joint custody of his son along with his ex-wife. After spending time with his father, the child went home to his mom. He told her and police that his dad beat him because of a bad grade in school. He also said his dad pushed him into a table and beat him with a belt.
Hypothetical question: Wouldn’t most people react with shock if a 250-pound husband were to “beat” his wife with an extension cord? Then why is it not also shocking (or even more shocking) that a 250 pound man would “beat” a 6,7 or 8 year old who weighs no more than 50 pounds — and with a weapon, no less? Do you ever think about the physics of beating — the force that a huge, angry adult brings to bear on a child when wielding a weapon? Are the minor infractions of childhood so dire that someone has to literally commit assault and battery to correct a child’s behavior?
And what are the rules for beating? A lot of people make them up as they go along. Some kids (see above) get beaten for a bad grade. Does attacking the child with a weapon make him or her a better learner? One mother I saw in an airport slapped her son so hard on the side of his head that she left her hand print. I was in tears. The little boy, about 4, was so traumatized, he sat on the floor with his hands over his eyes, crying softly. His infraction? Eating a jelly bean off the floor.
The mother’s stupid comment: “He ain’t never gonna eat nothin’ off the floor again.”
Yeah, lady, and he just might grow up to hate your guts.
Beating teaches children that problems are to be solved with violence. There’s enough violence and meanness directed toward black people as it is. Why bring it into your home? Beating is not nurturing. It sends a very confusing message to children. All other forms of violence against humans are viewed as barbaric and shocking. But, hey, child beating? You get all kinds of idiots trying justify it as tough love. Message to the clueless: violence is NOT a form of affection.