The Right to be a Deadbeat
March 9, 2006
There is an interesting but upsetting debate that has been rekindled in America this week. I will refer to it as “Father’s Rights.” The National Center for Men are arguing that child support laws victimize men in cases of unintended pregnancy. I guess Deadbeat Dadhood just got a new freshman class.As a purely intellectual exercise, the concept of “equal” decision-making power in the event of unintended pregnancy is actually interesting. On the surface, men are 100% powerless in the decision to have a baby once conception has occurred. Let’s compare:
What a woman may choose:
Have the child
Abort the child
Raise the child after birth (alone or with the father)
Seek adoption for the child after birth
Abandon the child after birth
What a man may choose:
Raise the child after birth (with or separate from the mother)
Abandon the child after birth
Looking at sheer numbers, the women definitely have more options.
Often in the case of unintended pregnancy, men start counting nickels as well. They may often fiscally abandon both the child and the mother because they do not want the baby. I guess the argument here is that this is “unfair” since if the mother didn’t want the baby, she could have an abortion and it would be a “done deal.” This is a blatantly irresponsible and immature view that completely disregards the proven and documented adverse health effects of abortions. But aside from that, the reason that child support laws are on the books is to [at least attempt to] lessen the negative financial effects of a failed parental relationship on their child. What that means is that when a parent defaults on child support, they default on the child. THAT’S WHY IT’S CALLED CHILD SUPPORT!!!!
The problem with the arguments of the National Center for Men is that it’s goal is to punish women because they have more choices. This is simply asinine. In a blind and irresponsible reactionary fury to a feeling of powerlessness at the time of being made aware of an unintended pregnancy, these dudes decided to fight for the right to make a their own kid(s) suffer. Wow
Maybe they don’t see it that way. Maybe their motivation is, “I give her child support money and she spends it on everything but our child.” Well, there are two options to avoid the aforementioned scenario:
1. Stay together and [at least attempt to] maintain a functional relationship
In this scenario, the money is both of you all’s anyway, so where it goes is more transparent. In no way am I implying that the only drive to attempt to make a mother-father relationship flourish is money. I actually think quite the opposite, believing that trust and understanding can form foundations that will overcome monetary challenges. I simply present this as an option for those who don’t want their money “wasted.”
2. Think before you smash
The person who made the decision to get on the trifling’ female was…you.
So what is my conclusion? Don’t drink the careless. Let’s not look for excuses to abandon reasonable responsibilities that so many already disregard. We need a re-definition of black fatherhood, or fatherhood period. Nowhere in that definition should there exist a man who is jealous of his woman’s “abundance of options.”
“Men cannot afford to be careless.”
- Vito Corleone
Comments
4 Responses to “The Right to be a Deadbeat”
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Brilliant. I definitely agree that the most empowering & important option is the one we all make before having sex. Most people just aren’t thinking about the “what ifs” at that time.
Brilliant is right. This is a really good post. What’s unfornate is, that deadbeats are deadbeats before woman actually lay down with them. Men & women have got to understand that making the decision to have sex can alter lives so many ways.
Children don’t ask to be here…
I agree with everything that has been said. I would take it up a notch. If the person you are laying down with is not someone you would want to be linked with forever, don’t do it.
A good friend once told me that a relationship ends where sex begins. I’m not a conservative, but I believe in abstinence.
All these comments are right-on. As someone who has worked in this field for the past twelve years, I have seen first hand the unfortunate consequence of sleeping with the wrong person.
Unfortunately, this type of behaviour by single individuals has a a negative impact on the black community as a whole. The lack of an intact family often leads to other social problems, such as poverty and crime.
This topic needed to be touched, and we should be trying to keep it in the forefront of our discussions and thoughts.