Michelle Obama and relationships
February 7, 2008
This message is dedicated to the fellas. No matter who you support to be President of the United States, you must admit that Michelle Obama is the type of woman you want to marry. She embodies the idea that beside every great man is a great woman. To be sure, there are women like Michelle Obama all across the country but men by and large find ways to mess things up. I compiled a list of what men do wrong that end up leaving women like Michelle Obama from finding their Barack.
1) We think that we have to be “established” before we can truly settle down in a serious relationship leaning towards marriage. This extends to work, graduate school, etc.
2) We wait too long to propose.
3) We put more emphasis on our bank account than our character.
4) We don’t get women on the come up, in other words, we try to wait until the flower is in full bloom before we make the pursuit and by that time, it is probably too late. For the brothers that went to undergrad, you know there are some women that you know you should have tried to step to but now you look stupid because you thought you could wait until you both finished graduate school.
5) We expect women to compromise their dreams for the relationship before we are willing to compromise ours.
6) We too often play the “You should already know how I feel” card. Man up and say what you have to say.
7) We use our work life as an emotional shield.
8. We delay talking to somebody (a professional) to better understand our approach towards women and relationships.
9) We rely too much on the numerical odds. Just because the odds favor educated Black men doesn’t mean that it is easy to find and maintain love. Don’t be the guy that makes Black women swear off Black men.
10) Be the woman you want to marry. In other words, if you want your wife to be saved and sanctified, then be saved and sanctified. If you want your wife to be in shape, then be in shape. The list continues but you get my point.
Now hopefully, if you are a guy and this post made you twinge a little….good. Make the change because this Valentine’s Day, there will be millions of women like Michelle Obama who are waiting for brothers like you to step up.
Stay up fam,
Brandon Q.
Why the gentrification hurts New Orleans’ future for Black people
September 13, 2007
Anyone who's been there wouldn't find this surprising. The places that are the focus of redevelopment areas are the ones that either Black folks never resided in in the first place or that poorer Black folks have been priced out of residing in now. Oh, the wonderful world of gentrification.
Unequally Yoked?: Introducing God into Your Relationship
July 18, 2007
“Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?”
-2 Cor. 6:14
”For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart to follow after other gods: and his heart was not sincere with the Lord his God, as was the heart of David his father.”
-1 Kings 11:4
I was blessed to have grown up in a godly household. I was thoroughly instructed in the way of the Lord and the Scriptures at an early age. However, we often do not act according to what we know. I was no different. Read more
Men and Celibacy
May 10, 2007
Many reading this title will think I am writing an oxymoron, but I am not. Steve sent me an article highlighting the growing numbers of men who are entering the no-sex zone.
According to Dr. Ian Kerner, a noted sex therapist and author of the forthcoming Sex Detox: A Relationship Rejuvenation Program for Everyone, research suggests that millions of otherwise-sane men have, at one time, chosen to take a break from sex—and, in many cases, masturbation and the consumption of sexual images in any form—in search of something deeper, safer or less complicated.
Step Your Game Up
April 10, 2007
If you cannot tell, I have a passion for relationship stuff. Why? Perhaps I am disturbed by the dysfunction I see every day. Or it may be because I am disgusted with American society’s approach to love, friendships and relationships. It could be because 90%of the disconnect between people are not that important at the end of the day. Whatever it is, I am intrigued by the challenge of trying to make sense of it all.
What has been on my mind lately is how complacent people can be in their relationships. It is disgusting. When they are single, they go to the gym, shower regularly, make sure they are tight. Then, once they have someone and they been together for awhile, they let their standards slip. They stop doing those things to keep the passion alive and to keep the other person interested. They settle into what I call the “Comfort Spiral.”
The Weekly Dream: Unselfish Selfishness
March 23, 2007
“How can two walk together unless they be agreed?”
On my open thread two weeks back, Garlin asked me to write about what to do when what is best for you is not necessarily what is best for the relationship. Now, this is a very interesting and sensitive subject that can be approached from different angles.
Flashback: The SuperSpade in March of 2006
March 22, 2007
For people who may have just recently joined our site, we present an opportunity to get a taste of things we’ve talked about in the past. We’re going to start doing this once per month.
Here are some categorized highlights of The SuperSpade circa March 2006:
The State of Black Men
A Poverty of the Mind (1 comment)
Is the Black Man in America Doomed? (5 comments)
The Weekly Dream
Carpe Diem - The Purpose Driven Now
Life’s Lessons (6 comments)
The Hunger for More (4 comments)
General Indifference (5 comments)
Family-related
Is your family more important than God? (10 comments)
The Black Family Movement Part II (1 comment)
The Right to be a Deadbeat (4 comments)
Relationships
Are you late or late late? (6 comments)
Indifference, Insecurity, and Assumption Transference (4 comments)
A good Black man? (12 comments)
Politics
Why we went to war, Bush responds (2 comments)
Bush’s State of Iraq unveiled (2 comments)
In defense of Dubai (and Bush) (1 comment)
Bush warned of levees breaching in New Orleans (1 comment)
Supporting and listening to the troops
Categories
SuperSpade
Flashback
I almost cried…
March 12, 2007
I am reading a book entitled, In Search of the Proverbs 31 Man: The One God Approves and a Woman Wants, by Michelle McKinney Hammond. For those that are unaware, Proverbs 31 is a famous passage in the Bible that elegantly lays out the qualities of an ideal wife. When women ask me what type of woman I am looking for, I often say the woman of Proverbs 31.
Nevertheless, what Michelle does in her book is ask, “What kind of man can truly appreciate a Proverbs 31 woman and what qualities should he have?” I have wondered this for years and I am so grateful that this book was written.
I write this post today because I almost cried when I came across this passage in the book. Michelle states, (emphasis mine)
“One of the most beautiful things I ever heard a wife say about her husband was: It feels like God is loving me through my husband. He is so sensitive to my needs. It’s almost as if he anticipates them and meets them before I even say a word.” Only a man who prays and hears from God can do such a thing for his wife” (p 17)
If you were not moved by that quote, I suggest you keep reading it until you do. And for me, and I think many other men, we want to be good husbands and fathers, which is fine. But for you to be in a place where your wife feels like God is loving her through you is I can only imagine like living a miracle everyday of your marriage. The spiritual clarity it would require to be at that place requires daily discipline and I have purposed in my heart to lead a life where my wife will that her husband is a true Man of God.
For anyone that is married and reading this post, man or woman, purpose in your heart to take the necessary steps to situate your marriage where you can clearly see the power of God manifesting itself in the life of your partner.
And if you are single, use this principle to find a partner that will sustain you with an agape love. Being single should be a time to hone your relationship with God so that once you do get married, you will be able to provide spiritual fortitude that will do nothing but make your marriage purposeful, enjoyable and fulfilling.
Categories:
Spirituality
Marriage
Relationships
A Special PSA: In Defense of Valentine’s Day
February 14, 2007
Most people have written off Valentine’s Day as an Hallmark Holiday and perhaps some of that is valid. But how is Valentine’s Day different from every other holiday that has been appropriated and commercialized for consumer consumption?
So to write Valentine’s Day off as simply a Hallmark Holiday is silly. I think the more acute problem is laziness. The Spirit of Christmas, Easter, Valentine’s Day should be year round, but how often does it get lost? If we carried that attitude year round, there would be no real need to commemorate what these days stand for. But, Holidays and anniversaries and birthdays is what give time and space meaning.
Especially in the realm of relationships. So often, we do not take the time out to say or show our loved ones how we feel and we take them for granted. Sure, it goes without saying, but sometimes,it is good to let the person in on the secret. Also, we should never let an opportunity pass to show our appreciation/love/thoughtfulness to the ones we love. In short, Valentine’s Day has been and always will be a time to shine. I know for me, I always used Valentine’s Day to make my move on that person I had a crush on. And thanks to Moms, my appreciation of the day began early.
When you think about it, Valentine’s Day is all about companionship. How many of us are alone or feel alone? As a result, Valentine’s Day calls attention to something a lot of people spend time trying to ignore. If that is your situation, then use it as an opportunity to give love and spread it to others instead of being bitter. If you are in a relationship, at least buy a card. Heck, if you don’t want to pay Hallmark, break out the construction paper. If you are on the prowl, this is the best time to put your bid in. All that matters is that you tailor the holiday to fit your needs and show how special that special somebody is. And you do not need a lot of dough, what you need is some creativity and sentiment. It will not kill you to be considerate.
Because in the end, Valentine’s Day really is a BIG DEAL…
Truth and Peace
Steven M DeVougas
P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day and Spread some love to somebody
Categories:
Love
Friends & Relationships
Interfaith Marriage and all that jazz…
February 6, 2007
Have you ever told your parents about someone that was tugging at your heart? How many people have had a conversation that goes like this;
You: Mom, I met this person and I think they might be the one.
Mom: That’s great honey! I want you to be happy. Now what church do they go to?
I was always wondered why this was always the first question my mother asked and I get it now, but the implications are deeper than I originally thought.
I think the chief reason why my Mom and other parents ask this question is for two reasons:
1) To gauge the person’s character since church attendance is often used as a character check
2) To see if the person practices the same faith as their child
And I think that parents should be respected for having their child’s best interests at heart. But I wonder how smooth the conversation would go if you responded to your parent’s (let’s assume they are Christian) question of where your love interest went to church by saying, “Well, actually, they go to a mosque.” How do you think your parents would respond? I know it is easy to think of your parents as the most respectful and open-minded people in the world but let’s keep it really real, shall we?
I think many parents would be taken aback and follow up by asking, “So are they Muslim?” And then I could imagine a series of questions dancing around the feasibility of two people dating that share different faiths.
Now is this wrong? I wouldn’t say so but I think something can be said for what I call “spiritual superiority.” What I mean by this phrase is the notion that spiritually centered parents often have a strong preference for three things: 1) seeing their children practice the same faith they raised them with, throughout adulthood, 2) watching their children grow up to marry someone who practices the same faith as them, and 3) witness their grandchildren be raised with the same faith as them.
Now on face value, I would say nothing is wrong with this paradigm and maybe in another post, we can talk about people who ended up practicing a new faith different from their parents. But for our purposes, we are going to look at interfaith relationships/marriage.
And rather than go into two pages worth of a post, I would rather provide the context and see where you want to take this post in the comments section. So the following are some of the questions that I would like you to chew on.
1) Would you ever date someone from a different faith? Why or why not?
2) Do you have different faith restrictions for someone you would date casually or someone you would seriously consider marrying? Why or why not?
3) Does your faith have specific restrictions on what faith your future husband/wife must practice? (And if you do know, it would be helpful if you can bolster your answer with textual support as opposed to what you were always told.)
4) Is it important that your future kids practice the same faith as you? Would you be open to them practicing a different faith from yours?
5) How would your parents react to your being in a serious relationship with someone of a different faith? And how much would their reaction influence your decision to continue your relationship?
6) Is it important that your kids be raised in household where both parents practice the same faith? If not, what is the upside of having interfaith households on a child’s spiritual development?
This should prove to be a very lively discussion,
Categories:
Relationships
Spirituality
